Power Struggles and How I Learned to Dance

By Todd Leonardis

In my first partnership I was really young. I was in my twenties, so I did something that, in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have—I followed orders. I mean, I looked up to my older partner, assumed he knew best, and, in my youthful optimism, did what I was told. It felt like the safe choice at the time, and I convinced myself he had both our best interests at heart.

When the dust eventually settled on that “learning experience” (a much friendlier term than “disaster”), I had a sobering realization: I’d been acting more like an employee than a partner. I’d allowed him to steer the ship, even when I saw a faster route or clearer waters.

So, when Steven and I joined forces, I came prepared—with a few battle scars and a lot more determination. I wasn’t about to let history repeat itself. This time, I was committed to leading in every way possible. I was planting my flag, defending my turf, ready to show the world that I was no longer a second fiddle. Maybe I was a little too determined.

Steven and I each ended up managing our own mini-empires within the same company—two kingdoms coexisting under one roof. We both ran all parts of our chosen business unit, trying to do everything and control everything. Instead of being partners, we were kind of running two companies at the same location. We were building something together, sure, but we weren’t doing it quickly, and we were not exactly unified in our approach.

It didn't take long before we noticed our numbers weren’t as impressive as we’d hoped. All the dreams we had of rapid growth and big success seemed a little farther off than we’d planned. We knew we were missing something.

So, we dug into the data and realized what was happening. Our approach—each of us managing our business units independently—had a serious flaw. We were duplicating efforts, running in parallel without ever truly collaborating. We were getting in our own way.

So, we did what any self-respecting business partners would do: we scheduled a long meeting, armed ourselves with coffee, and agreed to break down our silos. We reimagined the business, moving away from vertical hierarchies (where we each controlled different product lines and offerings) to a horizontal structure.

We called this new approach “Domain Decisions” and divided our roles across all parts of the business. I took over operations and finances for every division and business unit while Steven led sales, marketing, and HR across the board. We divided responsibilities not only by talent but also by passion. We each began running the parts of the business we each loved. We stopped doing things we hated and dug into the tasks we each enjoyed.

This change didn’t just streamline our operations; it made our days a little less stressful, more fun, and a lot more productive.

Control vs. Freedom: The Real Struggle

Every partnership has its fair share of “spirited discussions,” a euphemism for the kinds of arguments that would make a reality TV producer’s day. Both partners have poured their heart, soul, and caffeine into the business, so even the smallest disagreements can feel like high-stakes battles.

Steven and I have both been there—stuck in previous partnerships that ultimately fizzled out, not because of a lack of ideas or hard work, but because of relentless power struggles. We spent countless hours in exhausting debates over who was in charge, who got to make decisions, and who held the ultimate authority. Every conversation seemed to turn into a tug-of-war over the reins, leaving us drained and frustrated. The irony, of course, isn’t lost on us. We both chose the path of business ownership to avoid being micromanaged, only to find ourselves in constant battles for control.

The Need for Freedom, Not Power

It turns out our tugs-of-war aren’t actually about controlling each other. They were about wanting control over our own lives. Research backs this up: people crave autonomy, not necessarily power over others. But power over others gives you autonomy, so it can be easy to confuse your motivation.

When we have the freedom to control our own corner of the world, we feel liberated—not burdened with the responsibility of managing everyone else’s lives. In fact, when you give someone autonomy, they’re less likely to try and manage you. It’s like a miracle cure for micromanagement.

As researcher Joris Lammers says, “This sense of autonomy…is reflected in the absence of constraint, plans not being thwarted, and ambitions not being frustrated.” In other words, we crave control not to dictate other people’s actions but to keep others from dictating ours. When Steven and I recognized this, we realized that our drive for control wasn’t about having the upper hand. It was about wanting the freedom to steer our respective ships without interference. And thus, the idea of “Domain Decisions” took shape.

Let Go to Get More Done

Running a business involves a long list of tasks—finance, marketing, operations, sales, logistics, legal, HR, and more. Instead of both of us trying to manage everything, we decided each domain would belong entirely to one partner. This approach gave each of us full control over our specialities. My decisions on finances stood, even if Steven would have done things differently, and his calls on marketing were final, even if I had my own ideas. The principle here? When you give someone total responsibility, you also give them the freedom to succeed (or occasionally stumble) on their own terms.

The Domain Decisions approach has been a game-changer. Each partner has control over one aspect of the business and can focus on refining, improving, and developing that area without interference. Yes, we're both happier at work, but the business grew like crazy. Success!

Learning the Dance of Partnership

Getting to this place wasn’t exactly a straight path. This approach didn’t come from a textbook or a business seminar (though we've read a lot of textbooks and have been to way too many seminars.) It’s the product of years of trial, error, arguments, late-night brainstorms, and a few headaches.

We’ve also learned from other partnerships—some that flourished and some that, well, didn’t. We've seen our theories play out in real-life companies. We’ve had peers who taught us invaluable lessons and mentors who guided us along the way.

Now, after all those lessons, we’re ready to help other business partners avoid some of the bumps we hit along the way. If you’re in a partnership that feels more like a wrestling match than a team effort, reach out to us. We might just be able to help you turn that struggle for control into something that enriches your life—for both your business and your personal happiness.

We've learned that sometimes, the best way to hold on to control is to let a little of it go. A partnership is like a dance—you are okay with the other leading for some dances and try not to step on each other’s toes. With the right rhythm and a bit of trust, you can create something worth dancing for.